My captors have left me again, gone to Sam’s Club in their shiny spaceship. I yell out the window to tell them they’ve left the TV on, supposedly for my entertainment, but they just wave, thinking it’s because I want to go with them. Fools.
While they are gone I need to recover from the “cat-bearding incident” – better known as cat humiliation. Can you believe they posted my picture on the Internet for all to see? And they submitted it to a cat-bearding contest? Embarrassing. I am not sure how long they will be gone, so I must make my rounds in my house – my captors think it’s their house, but they are wrong, wrong about so many things. One of these days they will understand it is that the feline domesticus is who rule the world… and ….oh wait, I have said too much now.
Fresh Step Cat Litter
They returned sooner than expected from Sam’s Club. One of the two legged creatures brought me back a strange looking bag. This strange bag contained a cat litter called Fresh Step with plant extracts that was supposed to make my deeds smell, well, more pleasant. I’m really not sure what the fuss is all about, My captors are offending by my gifts? Perhaps if they allowed me to go outside, like the other cat, where the WORLD could be my cat litter box there would be no issue.
After further investigation, I realize I must admit my humans might be on to something. This Fresh Step Cat Litter really does keep the aroma at bay. I don’t blame them, sometimes it’s a bit much for me too. It uses essential oils and chlorophyll for odor control. I’ll also give them credit for knowing to buy this big 42 lb. package of Fresh Step at Sam’s Club because they got double paw points (9/9 – 10/31) too. Perhaps they aren’t so inferior after all. As long as the redeem those Paw Points on something for me. Right? A clean litter box AND presents? I’ll call that a purrfect success!
Ok, so I do admit there is some novelty to this “cat bearding” nonsense, and then perhaps it could be useful (maybe humiliation of cats that annoy me) so I’m going to tell you how to do it.
1.) Bribe your cat. I like treats.
2.) Pick him up under the guise of snuggles and gently hold him in your lap, facing away from you.
3.) Gently tilt his head up in front of your chin.
4.) With lightening fast speed, take a selfie, or have someone help take a photo.
5.) Post to the Internetz with the #catbearding hashtag
I suppose if you find this whole cat bearding nonsense amusing, at least buy your cat nice cat litter.